Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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