The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
