Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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