I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
