The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
