And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I wish you could order shots online.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
