just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
