He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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