Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
