ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
