it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
