I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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