according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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