I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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