He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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