I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
