This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize