Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
