Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize