I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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