Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
