I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ugly people sure do ruin things
why do cheetos always look like penises
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
