i just had sex bonerless
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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