i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
