Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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