The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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