I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
