so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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