i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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