ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
