I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
