Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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