Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Your cock deserves a montage
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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