I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
