Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
