What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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