You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
