Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
