why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
