please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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