Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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