Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
