I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Dick very happy bro
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
