I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize