It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Randomize
