On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
