I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
