meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
