WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
