My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
