it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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