i just had sex bonerless
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
