How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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