my room smells like sperm. sweet.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
