I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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