Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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