How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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