let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
