"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
BRING THE BAGELS
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
