you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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