also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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