Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
