why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
