i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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