I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
ok first of all what the fuck
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
