I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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